adagio assai

I was upset and devastated, sitting at the back of the taxi chain smoking on my way home. When I ran out of cigarettes I played Ravel's adagio assai.

The piano solo hits B, I found tears trickling down my cheeks.

The cor anglais starts, I had to stop the taxi so that I could find an empty spot to weep... I cannot remember the last time I wept.

Do you prefer your music uninhibited, full of emotions and sentiments, one that gives you energy, and sometimes suck you dry? Do you prefer your music poignant beauty that is at times morbid?

I prefer the latter, where all the notes seem to belong where they are because they are meant to be. Where when it reaches its peak you cannot help but sigh and yearn for more. Where you forget to breathe and you wonder if you feel light-headed because you are out of breath or because it is too beautiful. Where you find yourself in tears.

Everything beautiful is a bit sad... yet I am hopelessly drawn to it.

Sometimes when I listen to a beautiful piece... for a brief moment I am willing to believe there is god.