in the middle of nowhere

I told myself that I would spend two years in Beijing to see what I have to see and guage what I can do at this place.

Next month marks the end of two years. It sounds like a good length to come to a conclusion about a place. I did, and I feel ashamed of myself at how confined I've led my life in Beijing.

Last week one of my coworkers commented on my "expat life", which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I insisted his was an one-sided argument. Over the weekend, however, I spent an afternoon reflecting on things I do, things I do not do, friends I make, and friends I do not make here in China. I drew circles, and put bits of my life in the appropriate ones. In the end I had to agree with him.

I have established a few mutual relationships. They're French, German, Canadian, Korean, American. I have zero Chinese friends. Among the people I interact with here are the smartest from creme de la creme universities, the well-travelled, the noble who devote their lives to ideals and are respected by many, and the rich and powerful. Whom I miss out are 90% of the population - the working class, struggling with weal and woes of life just to make ends meet... I talk to many of them, I want to know them. But something within myself prevents the interaction and relationship from becoming reciprocal.

Maybe I lack the flexibility and the empathetic fiber to belong. With the way I protect myself I can live in many different countries, be exposed to many different cultures... but always observing from the outside.

more about bugsy

Gentle readers.
It is time I share with you the strengths and weaknesses, the daily forecast and what goes on in the head of... yours truely.

Look on the right

Bugsy's head consists of
60% emptiness/void
35% pleasures
5% lies

Bugsy's score in abilities (out of 100)
Explosiveness - 60
Unexpressed motives - 90
Sound - 15
Senses - 100
Sensitivity - 50

Bugsy's forecast for 7/12/2007:
Chances of Bugsy winning at "hami" - 59%
Chances of Bugsy's senior thinking Bugsy's cute - 27%
Chances that Bugsy is crazy - 61%
Chances of Bugsy floating - 57%
Chances of Bugsy lining up at a register with someone who is "もたつく" (somebody please tell me what this means) - 11%

black box

Our developer J wrote a tool for our language experts to use.

Tomomi, our Japanese language expert, gave up trying to install the tool and went to our tester R for help:

"R, can you help me out with the black box?" Tomomi asked.

"Black box? What black box?" R asked, I could almost see him wince at the B word - testers and us program managers particularly dislike having anything to do with the term black box.

R went to Tomomi's desk and saw a black box on her display. It was the command prompt...

The tool Tomomi wanted to install has to be done so in the command prompt. Therefore Tomomi did "Run" and typed "cmd." For the first time in her life, Tomomi saw command prompt, aka the black box.

Her cubicle exploded in laughters. We couldn't believe this happened in Microsoft.

... Microsoft did change the way people use computers, and perhaps the way many live.

darjeeling

I had a very nice cup of darjeeling tea.

It was first flush darjeeling. I like having it in the afternoon. However I'm usually at work during the day and I cannot find a good space/time at work to give it proper appreciation. Therefore, since I bought it in January this has only been the 4th time I've had it.

When I first tasted darjeeling tea I conjured up a mental picture of Darjeeling - Isolated, serene with a homogenized community of simple villagers, mainly consisted of tea farmers. I thought nowhere less pure can home teas so exquisite and delicate.

I'm going to Darjeeling in October. After some research -
Darjeeling is in the lower Himalaya. Darjeeling is where India meets Nepal. Darjeeling is where India meets the Kingdom of Bhutan, the most isolated nation in the world.

Darjeeling is a melting pot of Nepali, Tibetans, Bhutanese and the Sherpas. It is a hot spot of music.

I'm extremely excited.

I've also made up my mind to make my way to Bhutan in 2 years.

a minty sort of day

I woke up this morning craving for mint sauce.

Weird, isn't it? Craving for condiments instead of food.

I indulged in my cravings for a while and thought of all the excellent vehicles for mint sauce:
- English bangers
- Pork chops
- Lamb chops
- Lamb chops
- ... lamb chops

These gave rise to manifest gluttony. I've decided to have a lot of meat for lunch.
Maybe Korean barbeque.

But what's to be done about mint sauce? I can't seem to find it anywhere in the city.

you like nice?

Nice is... I'm glad we spent time together, I enjoyed being with you, you're a decent guy. You're nice.

Good is... I wish I could have spent more time with just you, I enjoy feeling different when I'm with you. You are irresistable.

Nice is... I'll call you sometime. Keep in touch. Let's hang out when we have time.

Good is... I want to see you, let's make time. I want to get more of you, I'm hooked. You feel like freedom.